How do I get over my paranoia and accept that my bf is not looking to hurt me?

Question by sarah.jane: How do I get over my paranoia and accept that my bf is not looking to hurt me?
I’ll admit, I’m a bit paranoid and scared of heartbreak (who isn’t). I was in a long distance “relationship” even though it was more like a friendship that lasted for like two years. It ended REALLY badly and I was hurt…BAD. Fast forward two years (yes I saw other people in that two year span), I’m now in another long distance relationship; this one is WAY healthier and plus, we’ve met. My first one, I never met the guy. I have no idea wtf I was doing. I’m in nyc, my current boyfriend is in New Mexico.

My current boyfriend (Rene) by far is the BEST boyfriend I’ve ever had. We met online and started talking about a year ago, but have been an official couple since May. We’ve been with eachother on three different occasions (in August we met, he stayed here for 3 days, in November I went to NM for a week for Thanksgiving, and just two weeks ago he came and surprised me for my birthday and eight month anniversary, it was for four days).

I KNOW that Rene is great, great guy. He’s a gentleman, he’s close with his family, he’s not into drugs, when he goes out and IF he drinks, he makes sure to be responsible. He has a good paying job, has a car, everything. He’s amazing, and I’m completely in love with him; I love him. We talk about our future ALOT, and although most times it lifts my spirits to think positively about out future together, I try to stay realistic. He talks about marriage, moving in together, kids, the whole nine yards.

Now, most girls would think that it’s GOOD that a guy mentions things like that. I’m not in rush to get married or have kids (I’m only 19 and he just turned 23) but I’ve told Rene before that I SERIOUSLY cannot imagine marrying anyone else.

My parents are divorced, so everytime he talks about marriage, my negativity and paranoia gets in the way and I’m like “well, I’m just saying, if you’re gonna cheat on me ten years down the road, might as well do it now so I can break up with you” and things like that. I know that Rene doesn’t intend to hurt me, but how do I overcome my fears about our future? Or even my fears for NOW? He has no problem always reassuring me and telling me that he doesn’t want anyone else.

The first long distance guy cheated on me and since I had never been cheated on before, I didn’t have a guard up. Now that I’m with the right person, I have a wall up because of what happened to me with first guy. I’m scared that I’ll suffer from heartbreak again. That’s normal, right? Can you please help me or give me advice/tips on how to not be so paranoid?

Best answer:

Answer by BE NICE TO ME XX
You do not know him. 3 times u 2 have met up? This is not a true relationship and marriage is way off if u r sensible about this

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One thought on “How do I get over my paranoia and accept that my bf is not looking to hurt me?”

  1. it’s normal when in a long distance relationship to be skeptical but you can’t let your previous relationship sabotage your current one. For a relationship to be strong and united there has to be honesty & trust on both ends & in a long distance relationship that is 10x’s trickier to accomplish. I’d suggest spending way more time together before even considering marriage, your have to get to know each other in person on a daily basis. we all have our quirks and habits and until you are at least living in the same zip code, don’t commit to marriage. As for your feelings of paranoia that he is cheating or has cheated or will cheat, you have to forgive and forget the past in order to move forward in this relationship!! Good luck!!

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