Dating my best friend of five years?

Question by : Dating my best friend of five years?
I am an 18 year old female. In eighth grade I introduced myself to my best friend’s cousin. He lives, and always have lived, 2 hours away from me. We talked on myspace until the fall of my sophomore year in highschool, where my mom brought me to his house to meet him, and his family, in person. The night i met him, we went on our first date to his homecoming. He also went to mine, shortly after. And, also, he was my surprise at my 16th surprise birthday party. But, the night of my homecoming he asked me to be his girlfriend and, even though I really really like the boy, I was scared to say yes because he told me he loved me. I wasn’t ready to hear the L word at sixteen. Ive never had an official relationship. I’ve never been in love. We ended up staying “just friends” for years, after that! Which seemed good for me until, a year ago, he tried to move on. He dated a girl for almost a whole year. I kept my mouth shut, but deep down, i was sad and jealous of his new relationship because i used to have feelings for him and felt like they were coming back. Ever since we’ve be we’ve referred to each other as “best friends” even though, five years later, he claims, and I KNOW and believe him that to him, i’m not just a best friend. To him, im the love of his life. He realized his love for me after trying to move on with another girl. He is head over heels in love and claims that he won’t stop loving me until I’m walking down the aisle with another man. This past june was my highschool graduation party. He is a DJ so i asked him to DJ the party. When he came to the party we reconnected. My friends and family said how obvious it was that he like me because “he couldnt take his eyes off me the whole night”. We ended up hanging out often this summer. His girlfriend (who was always arguing with him) for month and month broke up with him and HE was the one who had to chase her back to “fix things.” But this summer, she broke up with him yet again, and, this time, he had it. He didn’t chase her back even though ten mins later his girl went chasing him back. But, he chose me. They ended thing on a good note, thankfully, and agreed to stay friends. Now, MY DILEMMA. I am dating my best friend of five years 🙂 Lol it seems funny to actually say that. But, I CANT commit to him. We have almost everything in common. He seems to be the perfect guy. He doesnt smoke, drink, do drugs, doesnt fight, he adores me, treats me right, calls me every night, etc etc. He is so good to me, but, for some reason i dont feel like im “In love” with him. Ive never told him i love him. But i love him in a caring way. We have been in a “secret relationship” these past few months, although, all of my family and friends call him my boyfriend, and he is not. MY DILEMMA IS THAT I DONT WANT MY FIRST BOYFRIEND TO BE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. I DONT WANT TO COMMIT TO HIM BECAUSE, IF I DO, I AM PRETTY MUCH COMMITTING TO MARRIAGE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MARRY ME AND HAVE CHILDREN WITH ME. This “relationship” with him these past few months have been great but sometimes i feel that i miss him when he is away but, when im with him, he feels like a great friend (that i kiss and hold hands with?) We spend nights together. We arent sexually active but we do sleep in the same bed during our sleepovers. I really wish i could commit to him and call him my boyfriend but at the same time i want to keep my options open. We have our whole lives ahead of us. I believe that i will never find love, to him, or to anyone, if i dont date other people. Although, the sucky part about even CONSIDERINGG to JUST stay friends scares me. I couldnt imagine my life without talking to him everyday. Ugh. Will I ever love him the way he loves me? Im thinking about going to counseling. But, id love to hear others opinions because i love yahoo answers lol. Any insight could help. Thanks.

Best answer:

Answer by aira
Just be true to yourself and be honest with your real feelings, if you like him or should I say ”love” then give him a chance. Don’t think beyond imagination and just try to be calm. If your afraid of long distance relationships then don’t you have trust on your best friend’s love for you? Think carefully 🙂 A relationship without trust can’t be called a relationship

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10 thoughts on “Dating my best friend of five years?”

  1. You, are an idiot. Atleast take the chance with him! and tell him that you don’t want anything to be that serious between you two. I mean, with marriage, and kids. You AREN’T committing yourself to marriage, you guys are only dating! he wouldn’t go down on his knees and ask you to marry him right when you decide to publicly be his girlfriend. IT’S RIDICULOUS because your leading him on! just tell him pretty much what you wrote here. then there will be no dilemma because he needs to hear this from you.

  2. just think of why you dont wanna commit to him,which means u never loved him in the first place,he has been loveing you for long and he feels he’s ontop of the world now that he has u,so look within your heart and see if you are gonna find him there,from the way u describe him he seems to be a nice guy which is very hard to find these days,so dont rush it,but make sure u are making the right decition,make it right and dont regret it later,if u feel jealous when u see him around other women,then to my opinion u love him. hope you make the right decition

  3. Wow uhmmm..I think you do love him but you don’t see it because in you probably haven’t dated enough. Your young and it is understandable that you haven’t had a chance to see what life is like. If you feel you need to try the waters than that is probably what you might have to do. One day you will sit back and realize wether or not it was worth it and if it wasn’t than hopefully he is still there waiting. But you don’t want to wonder what life could’ve been like without him because it is going to be in your mind. you have to let him go for a while or commit. You can’t have your cake and eat it to. Besides it is not easy to find a guy like your describing this guy, so maybe you should rethink what you looking for because if it isn’t him than who is it?

  4. but u right tho cus its mainly for people that wanna settle down so they can tolerate no being physical longer than us young folks but it aint imposssible for us either

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